On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
