D3 body, D1 cock
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
