My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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