Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
