ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
