you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
