i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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