Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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