I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
