So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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