i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
