im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
