so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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