Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
