party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
