you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's never too late to be topless.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
