I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
