Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
