So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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