this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
