Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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