What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
