Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
