I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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