I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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