Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
