either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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