I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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