i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
