Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
