i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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