i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
