I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
