I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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