Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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