Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
