I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
