I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
