My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
