so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
