But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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