I'm sorry my penis didn't work
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
