Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
