I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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