I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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