She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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