I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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