Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
