We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
