Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
