Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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