I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
