she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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