I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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