its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
