Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
