He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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