Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
