its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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