Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
