i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
