i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
